What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
