hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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