The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
