Sry I called you an 8
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
