apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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