Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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