Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
