i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
