A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
