i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
