And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
