We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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