Umm I'm too high to move.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im six kinds of drunk right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
