Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
