one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
