I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
