I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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