We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
