cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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