i think my tv is drunk
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
