She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my shit smells like andre
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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