Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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