He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
