Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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