walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
