that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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