So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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