Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
