I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
