roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
