Me. At least after what I've been through.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
