I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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