is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
