toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
