You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
