Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
