Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
