Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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