Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
