I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
