Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
