He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
