elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
