I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
