Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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