oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
