can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
