i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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