Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
