What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He shit in the fireplace
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
