Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
