Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
